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We are in a process. Let the discomfort work on you.

The collective process right now, when compared to the expanse of human history, has probably happened before. I’m no history scholar, but the literature and teachers tell me we have been here. The specifics are different, but symbolically the story is not new: we are in a burning, spiritually speaking.

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On The Surface of Everything

This time has me sitting as close to center the of my sobriety as I did in the earliest days. I think about it when I wake up, when I make coffee, when I sit on my couch and look at the sun coming up, or the sun-having-already-come-up since my wake up seems to be getting later and later.

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What's The Deal with "Sober Curious"?

It’s great more people are talking about this because, frankly, alcohol is stupid. It was time for a change in the dominant paradigm of how we talk about sobriety. But not drinking and a cool IG feed isn’t a light switch to a better life—it takes a hell of a lot more than that.

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Alcohol Poured Gasoline on My Anxiety: The Truth About Women, Motherhood, and Drinking

I remember so looking forward to drinking again once I had her. I missed the release, the inclusion, the socializing, the softening. Almost immediately after she was born I went back to it, joining in at parties with my husband and baby in tow, having my girlfriends over or going to their house for wine like we had been doing for years. One time, just a couple weeks after she was born, I walked in a snowstorm to my friend’s place a few blocks away, just to try and feel like my “old” self for a few minutes. I barely drank one glass of wine before I felt so ill I had to trek home. I had mastitis.

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We Are The Luckiest

I believed the ones who didn’t have to do this—who could drink or not without much care or consequence—were just so damn lucky. They’d never have to fight this particular, stupid war. Shit, they didn’t even have to be aware it existed!

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On Devotion

When I got back to my house after the beach, I set my sandy bag on the floor and stood in the kitchen, unsure what to do with myself. The space was so quiet. So bare. Had I ruined it here?

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On Forgiveness (Looking for love in all the wrong places)

Addiction is a dick, but I also love that it happened to me. Because it brought me to my knees. It slammed me into a wall of pain so thick I had to stop running. It shattered all my flimsy beliefs about myself and the way life works and forced me to create new ones that would actually sustain me. It shook me awake so I could see where I was missing my life. It blasted away my judgment of others. It got me so desperate that I had to ask for help and reach out to God. In these ways and a million more: it showed me my humanity.

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The Truth About Lying

What you’ll find—what I’ve found—is that the truth is ultimately life-affirming. Even when it’s ugly and inconvenient and has the potential to dismantle our life.

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