This week, we answer a letter from a woman who's wondering about her friendships. What do friendships actually look like as an adult? Do they look like an episode of Friends, or something else? How do Friends fit into our lives as we get older? And how the hell do you make new friends? Meadow and Laura both talk about the shifts in their friendships over the years, what people tend to think vs. the reality, and where friends fit into their life now.
We talked about
resistance interfering with our week
a 40-day experience dealing with the concept of resistance firsthand
an announcement about the The Art of Wayfinding...and a tease of an announcement from Laura
what role friendships play in life, who close friends are, and what friendship looks like right now
frequency, depth of intimacy, and longevity of friendships
the sociopath-like appearance of going through friends, discarding them, and not missing certain ones
a 3-year time period playing an antisocial hermit with no friends and hiding the feeling of misery
moving from “Sex and the City” friendships to current day
now connecting over work instead of playdates
the weird idea about the length of friendships and perfectly ordinary reasons why they can come to an end
coffee, swing sets, and the dorky process of making friends as an adult (all the while feeling like you’re stalking...or courting)
tolerance and intolerance of social clutter
being fine on your own (or not) and coming out of a period of isolation
the start of friendship between us, your friendly hosts
“It isn’t black and white. Yet, I can look back and some of my longest-term relationships that I continue to have, I would say are because the other person was way healthier than I was.”
“What my friendships used to look like was the stuff of ‘Sex and the City,’ I swear to God.”
“I’ve always felt like we’re friends with people for a season. And sometimes, they’re very long ones and often times, they’re not.”
What role does friendship play in your life?
How have your friendships changed as you’ve changed?
What is at the root of why you have friends?
How do you make friends? Do you crave making a really close friend in life?
What slices of your life would be improved by sharing it with someone? What aspect of your life are you craving a witness for?
The Art of War by Steven Pressfield
Union Yoga in Monterey, CA
Let’s Take the Long Way Home: A Memoir of Friendship by Gail Caldwell
Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life by Anne Lamott
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Spiritualish is hosted by Laura McKowen and Meadow DeVor. Sometimes spiritual, always inappropriate. New episodes drop every Thursday.