The Myth of Self-Care

The Myth of Self-Care

Self-care is not a bubble bath. I mean, it might be, if you’re the kind of person who feels they’re committing a mortal sin by allowing themselves to wade in hot, lavender-scented water with a candle or a book for twenty minutes, alone. If that’s you, then yes. Please allow yourself a damn bubble bath. Regularly.

You could be soft instead.

You could be patient instead.

You could see that you are doing it.

The latch in the door that won’t close

could be something you now fix—

a sign of your attention, and willingness to mend—

instead of more evidence of your failings.

You could be sweet instead.

With all the missteps and the falls.

You might kiss the bruise on your knee—

or tend to the scar on your arm, with a bit of balm, and soft touch—

instead of hating it for the way it does its job.

You might see that these scars make you interesting—

that you quite like the scars on others,

because they tell stories without needing to speak.

You could be firm instead.

when you want to slip into ease,

instead of doing the difficult work that might change you—

instead of shattering that comfort that constrains you.

You could move just a little

in the direction of your freedom,

knowing the resistance is

only serving to build your bones.

You could be soft instead.

The way you would with your baby girl, or the feather that stuck to your pants,

or the tide that hasn’t yet come in—

because you trust it will come, as it has, as it always has—

every day around 2.

As long as you stand there waiting for the water to kiss your feet,

it will greet you—

it greets you every time you show up to the shore.

You could be kind instead.

You could love yourself into a new way of being.

Since there never seems to be enough hate

or blame, or shame, or punishment

to get the job done anyway.

You could run toward the world you want,

instead of escaping the one you don’t—

even as your eyes are blind, even though you cannot yet see, or feel, or touch—

what is waiting for you there.

Not So Different from Drinking: Technology Addiction and Why I'm Adopting Digital Minimalism

Not So Different from Drinking: Technology Addiction and Why I'm Adopting Digital Minimalism

I thought it was about social media. But it was about all of it. It was about being on, all the time. Being connected, and open to connections, and available, and expected to respond and expecting to get a response, and creating thousands upon thousands of tiny slivers of interactions to “connect” and “be productive” simply because I could. It’s actually worse than that. I had fallen into a very intentional trap laid by tech companies who only make money if I keep picking up my phone and putting my eyeballs on their apps.

Hacking the energy, sleep, focus, depression, headache, body-ache, and mood-swing problem

Hacking the energy, sleep, focus, depression, headache, body-ache, and mood-swing problem

I’d been battling constant fatigue, energy swings, inability to focus for long periods of time, or sometimes at all—as though there was a thin, cloudy film around my brain—for too long. A month ago, I decided to go grain and sugar-free, and it worked.

You need to make your bones.

You need to make your bones.

I’ve learned to do the most important things in the morning: write, sweat, journal, meditate because it’s when I’m most clean and clear and sharp, by far. If I wait, the chances of those things happening falls drastically. And if those things don’t happen, my mind and life fall off track astonishingly fast. It’s practical. And practical every day equals profound. This is how you make your bones.

The Ghost of Drinking: Reflections on Sober Travel

The Ghost of Drinking: Reflections on Sober Travel

The phenomenon has revealed itself over time. In the beginning, traveling was nail-bitingly stressful and not fun at all. It took time for me to appreciate the concept of traveling without imbibing, to rewrite all those tracks in my brain that said the only way traveling would be a full experience was if I was drinking my way through it. For a while—like a couple years—I equated new places with the uprush of intoxication. It felt sad, boring, and incomplete to even imagine a vacation unpunctuated with cocktails, let alone actually do it.

Social Media Sobriety and Doing The Deeper Work

Social Media Sobriety and Doing The Deeper Work

I don’t like what’s happening with women online right now, particularly in recovery, spiritual, and so-called feminist circles. It appears there is a growing contingent of people who I would assert even six months ago had no awareness of the word privilege, and now feel compelled to call out other women on theirs at every turn.

The Space Between

The Space Between

Today I am four years sober. I don’t know much, but I know this: you must let the space exist between where you are and where you want to be. You must do everything you can to stay in that space until a new life fills in.

The 11 Best Addiction and Sobriety Books

The 11 Best Addiction and Sobriety Books

There are few things I love more than a book list, so here’s one that’s near and dear to my heart. A mix of memoirs, self-help, and psychological/scientific study, these are my favorite books about addiction and sobriety.